Happy Thursday. Welcome to your beautiful new day that’s unfolding.
I was asked by my partner Emma what I really enjoy about giving her pleasure. And in that, I had to really think about it. I enjoy the feedback I get from her .. but she wants to know that I’m enjoying in order to give me feedback. So I feel like there’s been a kind of block. I am not fully enjoying giving her pleasure unless she’s giving me feedback that’s she’s enjoying, and she’s not fully enjoying because she’s looking for feedback that I’m enjoying. In a way, we are both looking to the other to experience more enjoyment and perhaps we both need to look deeper within ourselves. What do we truly enjoy.. and why? Are we doing what we do for the feedback of it? Or is there an intrinsic reward as well — giving because it feels good, regardless of the feedback.
How much of giving is based on what we receive? The feedback or appreciation? And how much giving do we do anonymously simply because it feels good?
I have really stopped to take a deeper look at my life. Much of what I do is based on the hope that I will be seen as doing good. There’s like a deeper subconscious question running all the time, “Am I doing good?” And looking for that feedback to feel more relaxed. But can I relax now? Can I enjoy life and give from a place that doesn’t require any feedback at all to enjoy it?
Today for example I painted. I was singing while I painted. Grateful to be creating from the porch deck of my cabin by the river. That was an enjoyable experience. No feedback required. Though I will be grateful if someone likes the painting I made today. In fact, I’ll that painting with you here in this post. But I didn’t create for the feedback, I created for the play and fun of it.
When I look at why I kiss or hug or give pleasure to my partner.. there are times when I’m doing it for the genuine enjoyment of it. Other times I might be doing it for the feedback she will give me. When I help another person, I sincerely do it because it feels good to be a good person. But I definitely appreciate being appreciated.
I wonder if this whole life experience can be enjoyed regardless of the feedback we receive or if feedback is a vital part of enjoying the experience. What is your take on this subject? I would love to hear it in the comments below (now that you know I love receiving feedback :)) .
James Sunheart is a student of personal development and spiritual growth. He is passionate about optimizing people, systems and life. He’s written 7 books. Interviewed hundreds of experts. Given a TED Talk in France. Lives in Costa Rica while developing a sustainable eco-village. For opportunities email: James AT FullPotential.com