Today’s post is: How to connect on both the levels of heart and mind to experience best of both worlds. Double down on your connections – AND go deeper.
CONNECTING AT THE LEVEL OF MIND
The mind feels connected with other minds when it feels fully expressed and heard.
The next level of connection is when these ideas, opinions are agreed with.
Thirdly comes respect for beliefs, vision and values. Regardless of whether we agree with them or not, by listening and accepting the most intimate levels of mind, this creates harmony. When the mind feels accepted, the mind can feel safe and relax, which creates a space for both beings to drop into their hearts.
Words are the primary language of the mind. Words form the images and associations that make up the mental landscape.
CONNECTING AT THE LEVEL OF THE HEART
What can feel very confusing to the mind is that a whole new language AND way of being is required to deeply connect here.
First it requires full presence to truly drop in. It’s hard to be fully present when your busy getting a point across with so many words.
Consider the four brain wave states to understand what’s going on here.
Most conversations are taking place in BETA. This creates short, choppy bits of information for the brain to process. If the brain is working hard to receive and give information, it cannot really drop into a relaxed heart space.
Unless we move into a slower, more relaxed communication or more easily, simply stop talking all together, our connection may feel like its taking place more on the surface level, and indeed it is.
But once we drop into full presence, through listening, silent communication, prolonged eye-contact and deep breathing — our minds can relax into an ALPHA state. This Alpha state allows us to receive more information with less effort. AND it allows us to proceed with a deeper more heart felt connection.
From here we can more easily attune our energy fields and calibrate to the person we are connecting with. What this simply means is that our sensory acuity – our ability to receive information about another person, heightens at a level beyond words. And we can begin to relax into each other’s energy.
This might seem awkward or clumsy at first, especially as the Beta waves of your brain are just beginning to calm down. But many times people choose, whether conscious or unconsciously to STAY in BETA, and connect there through chatty conversation, because they just don’t trust the person enough to connect at a deeper level yet. Ever notice how it can feel ‘uncomfortable’ when there’s ‘too much’ silence or ‘too much’ eye contact? That is actually a window for deeper presence and less words. But often the discomfort of dropping deeper usually turns into more words or an exit from the conversation.
Many people are very selective about ‘who they let in’ for good reason, and so most connections never really penetrate down into the deeper levels unless and until they know that anothers intentions are good and can trust themselves as well.
LOVE IS EASY – WHEN WE’RE READY FOR IT
It actually doesn’t take very long to drop into a loving space, when all the prerequisites are there. Trust, care, presence. All the pleasurable feelings of the heart that may have been blocked from previous hurt or pain begin to arise. This can create confusion for the mind unless its given permission to FEEL GOOD with another human. This might be questionable territory especially from the old paradigm of relationships where you’re only allowed to feel really good or intimate with one human (your husband or wife). Or you’ve decided after being hurt that you’ll never intimately connect on that level again.
What I’m saying here is that its easy to fall into loving space with multiple people is easy! It’s the social / cultural and philosophical repercussions of this that we must grapple with, once we know how to do it!
WAYS TO SAFELY DROP INTO INTIMACY?
Setting clear boundaries and agreements, trusting the self because one has discipline and respect for those boundaries and the person they have agreed to enter into a container with – these are topics for another post as they deserve deeper exploration.
For now, enjoy this beautiful day and may you go deeper with the people you WANT to love.
James Sunheart is a student of personal development and spiritual growth. He is passionate about optimizing people, systems and life. He’s written 7 books. Interviewed hundreds of experts. Given a TED Talk in France. Lives in Costa Rica while developing a sustainable eco-village. For opportunities email: James AT FullPotential.com