One night after meditation I felt like I was falling. It felt like I was leaving this reality behind and there was a message of, “There is no out there” coming through. I was so concerned that I might be leaving the life behind as I knew it that I stopped the process and told myself that even if this was an illusion, it was a comfortable one and I wanted to live it a little longer.

So here I am, writing to you as if there is still an ‘out there’ when in fact I may just be entertaining myself a little longer in the illusion that there is anything more than the vastness of my own consciousness in all things and that the ‘forms’ that appear to be OUT there, are really just apart of me as well.

On the one hand this realization of non-separateness can be overwhelming and in some ways difficult to comprehend. It’s also interesting to note that knowing truth has always been my highest pursuit, until knowing that truth might pull me out of this fantastic reality that I’m in right now.. so then I choose to live in the fantasy a little longer. The fantasy of separateness, in my unique individual experience with an ‘out there’ to give me some level of differentiation between what is me and where everything else is.

Each day I rise I like to share something positive and I think the realization of how vast I am and how connected I am can help other aspects of me (the localized awareness of what I call ‘you’) come together a little more.. and a little more.

I noticed in a call I had with my lover yesterday that I hovered ever so sensitively on the verge of merging our hearts and I was looking for a mutual feeling of this connection. I felt so sensitive and vulnerable and when she took what I was saying in a defensive way, probably because the feelings were so great at that moment and she didn’t know what to do with them – I suddenly got offended. And this great ‘love’ that was magnetizing us together, became an ‘angry love’ at least on my part, that wanted to pull away and rip apart from itself. The subsequent words that flowed from this state were not ‘me’ per se, and as angry as they were, she held space and encouraged them. I was so grateful because this pulling away energy that could have ran on for quite some time, was resolved rather quickly because she just heard everything it had to say and kept loving it for a time.

And although the words were not true, they still impacted her on some level and she needed some rest afterwards. On my side there was a great satisfaction of at least letting the words run all the way ‘out’ and getting back to a balance in my field. This flowing ‘out’ to another lead me to feel more centered and loving. It doesn’t make sense .. but I just needed her to hold the field, to hear this energy out and I was fine.

I could have perhaps worked it out through simply observing it in a meditation as well, who knows. But it was this unique configuration that actually worked this time. A deep love, a deep sharing, a deep sensitivity, with space holding for an angry voice and what could have been hurtful words from a conscious place for both of us, hearing the voice out without getting defense or reactive to it. So the ‘out there’ that because more intimate between us is a sharing of hearts, a sharing of attention a sharing of intention to simply love what is there.

I believe this is the pathway home.. to remain centered and real. Authentic about the voices that are there that normally separate ‘us’ into a we or you and me.. to listen and reveal the layers between us and go as deep as we can into our stories and ‘words’ to simply BE .. resolved in who WE are.. which is really this I at the center that IS love.. but surprisingly forgetful of who it is and can even get lost in anger or sadness when it feels separate from itself.

There is no out there, because never forget, you are IT!